There's a stereotype surrounding serious computer gamers, and I can sum it up in two words: geeky boys. But in the world of 'Net games, no one knows you're a 43-year-old grandmother, or that you're nursing your baby while you play.

"Jack" is a Waltham mother of a three-year-old and an infant. Then there's the Wakefield grandma and mother of three who goes by "Fragmistress" or "Bitchgoddess" in games -- I'll use Bitchgoddess; it's fun to type. Both moms play computer games every day, and they do it well. Want more irony? They're both current or former aficionados of the violent game Quake, but Jack makes her living as a midwife and Bitchgoddess is a therapist on a psychiatric ward. So much for first-person shooters leading to real-life massacres. Maybe they lead to midwifery.

(Admittedly, Jack won't play violent games in front of her kids, so lately she sticks to the fantasy game Asheron's Call.)

There are plenty of women like them, hanging out on ICQ and IRC, organizing 'Net games through mailing lists, and reading Web sites like Gamegirlz.com, Grrlgamer.com, and Womengamers.com. In September, gamers like Bitchgoddess played in the Female Frag Fest '99 tournament, which still supports an active e-mail list and chats. All-female clans (groups of gamers) thrive, including the first one, Clan PMS -- Psycho Men Slayers. That's tongue-in-cheek, guys. These women won't make gender an issue unless you hassle them.

For example, "when I've had some punk in my face for a couple hours ... it's fun to let him know that he got beat by a Grandma," says Bitchgoddess. Jack hasn't played Quake lately (it made her motion-sick when she was pregnant), but she recalls her Clan PMS days and the guys who would try to trounce her just on macho principle. It rarely worked. Unlike football -- which Jack used to play until the guys she knew got big enough to crush her -- online gaming is a playing field where brawn doesn't count. Or, as Jack put it, "On this little plane, buddy, you're screwed."

Sexist rabble-rousers are the exception these days. Jack married a Doom player who supports her interest in gaming. Bitchgoddess finds male gamers "overwhelmingly positive," and has met many of her Quake buddies at male-dominated spots like Anandtech.com, AGN3D.com, and Compucheap.com's Hardware HotTalk BBS. She notes, however, that female gamers have a "great sense of community."

You may wonder what makes games like Quake so appealing to these women -- or anyone. Me, too. So I played my first game of Quake this week and ... it was fun. And challenging. For stress relief, nothing beats the running, swimming, and shooting through an imaginary world. I started getting genuinely excited to pick up armor and find secret areas. Unlike some games, Quake doesn't cater to salacious adolescent boys. Did I mention Trent Reznor wrote the soundtrack?

Jack and Bitchgoddess did something my horde of male gaming friends never could: actually get me to play a game. Sexist on my part? Perhaps. But whatever gets us to have a go at something new, right? So don't knock it 'til you try it. And when you try it online, don't mess with Grandma.

Jen Muehlbauer's column appears every Friday in digitalMASS. Her e-mail address is jen@englishmajor.com.