How am I supposed to fit into a goddamn corporate job if my career history doesn't even fit into the boxes and drop-down menus on recruiting websites?

Not that I have any marketable skills anyway. I really wish someone had told me in the late 90s that "witty" and "literate" had never paid anyone's bills before, and would never pay mine again.

And look at the food service ads:
* "Must be experienced and extremely good-looking. Please email your headshots and photos with your contact details."
* "Please send resume or info about yourself w/ a photo if possible."
* "Beautiful Female Bartenders--Model caliber--needed"
...and those are just the ones that say it.

I think I should apply for some of those jobs and send this photo.