Blink. Smirk. Lie. Repeat.

I finally found the secret to truly enjoying presidential debates: pause it at key moments, and freeze-frame through goofy facial expressions. Damn, Bush looks even more like a smirking chimp in slo-mo. And we caught the moderator in a facial moment that made me wonder if he had an intern hiding under the table. "This is what Mrs. Scheiffer sees," I said, and then laughed at my own joke until I was in physical pain.

Our ideas about what the spot near Bush's lip could have been:
* Food
* Herpes
* Burn from the crack pipe

I went back to the transcript today to gather some statistics and try and remember all the smart-ass comments from last night.

Number of times Bush had to be told his time was up: Two
Number of times Bush said "Massachusetts" like it was a dirty word: Three

* Kerry references to Republicans other than Dubya/Cheney: 6. Reagan (twice), McCain (three times), Tom DeLay. I'm not counting the reference to Cheney's daughter; p.s., who gives a shit anyway, it's not like she was in the closet until then.
* Kerry references to Democrats other than Edwards: 8. FDR (twice), JFK (three times), Clinton (twice), Tom Daschle
* Bush references to Democrats other than Kerry/Edwards: 3, Ted Kennedy (three times)
* Bush references to Republicans other than Cheney: 1, McCain

You knew it was going to be good when it started with a stupid question:

Moderator: "...will our children and grandchildren ever live in a world as safe and secure as the world in which we grew up?"
Oh my god. Safe and secure like the Cuban Missile Crisis? The Cold War? Airplane hijackings and hostage-taking in the 80s? And don't you just mean "an *America* as safe and secure as the one in which we grew up?" Arguably the rest of the world was even more screwed up in plenty of places in years past.

Bush: Yes, we can be safe and secure, if we stay on the offense against the terrorists and if we spread freedom and liberty around the world.
We will do this by sprinkling freedom and liberty like fairy dust. Be free, little countries! Be free!

Bush: As a result of securing ourselves and ridding the Taliban out of Afghanistan, the Afghan people had elections this weekend. And the first voter was a 19-year-old woman. Think about that. Freedom is on the march.
Women can't vote in Saudi Arabia, but we don't care about them. They're our friends. And they're rich.

Kerry: Six months after he said Osama bin Laden must be caught dead or alive, this president was asked, Where is Osama bin Laden? He said, I don't know. I don't really think about him very much. I'm not that concerned.
Bush: Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations.
By the time I heard this line on my VHS tape, every blogger in the universe had dug up the quote where Bush said just that.

Bush: We're working with Canada to hopefully -- that they'll produce a -- help us realize the vaccine necessary to make sure our citizens have got flu vaccinations during this upcoming season.
So it's okay to get flu shots from Canada, but stay away from their prescription drugs. It's not safe!

Kerry: Children across our country don't have health care. We're the richest country on the face of the planet, the only industrialized nation in the world not to do it.
I will not that this was one of the few times in the debate I whooped and yelled "GO KERRY!" At least he's not consistently mediocre. He has his moments.

Kerry: They just passed an expansion of that loophole in the last few days: $43 billion of giveaways, including favors to the oil and gas industry and the people importing ceiling fans from China.
Who in the what now? Ceiling fans?

Moderator: Mr. President, what do you say to someone in this country who has lost his job to someone overseas who's being paid a fraction of what that job paid here in the United States?
Bush: I'd say, Bob, I've got policies to continue to grow our economy and create the jobs of the 21st century. And here's some help for you to go get an education. Here's some help for you to go to a community college [...] Education is how to help the person who's lost a job.
I said a lot of things about this last night, but this is better.

Kerry: I want you to notice how the president switched away from jobs and started talking about education principally.
Go Kerry, it's your birthday...

Bush: In all due respect, I'm not so sure it's credible to quote leading news organizations about -- oh, never mind. Anyway, let me quote the Lewin report.
That must have been Karl Rove whispering into his earpiece.

Bush: I didn't hear any plan to fix Social Security. I heard more of the same.
Way to steal Kerry's line, jackass.

Bush: Well, to say that the borders are not as protected as they were prior to September the 11th shows he doesn't know the borders. They're much better protected today than they were when I was the governor of Texas.
Um...and that means you're doing a good job as president, or a bad job as governor?

Kerry: The fact is that we now have people from the Middle East, allegedly, coming across the border.
You know, that porous American-Afghan border...

Bush: Listen, the No Child Left Behind Act is really a jobs act when you think about it.
Jobs? Pell grants! What can we do about healthcare? Pell grants! How 'bout them Red Sox? PELL GRANTS!

Bush: I agree, we shouldn't have quotas. But we ought to have an aggressive effort to make sure people are educated, to make sure when they get out of high school there's Pell Grants available for them..."
AARRGGHH.

Is it November yet?