More advice for stupid times
One of my favorite crazy old white men, not so far off from the eariler Maya Angelou wisdom:
"When you're born into this world, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in this country, you get a front row seat. I say: sit back and enjoy the show."
--George Carlin
For instance, last night at The Neighborhood Dive, I was engaged in unwanted conversation -- by a stumbling 49-year-old bricklayer spouting off trivia from the history of rock drumming -- from the moment I walked in. My choices were:
a) Finish my beer and get out of here.
b) Well, go with the flow for now, then finish this second beer and get out of here, since the bartender just bought me a pint for putting up with this guy (after assuring me that he's been coming in for years and is harmless).
c) Stick around long enough for Rick to show up, because Rick really needs to see this spectacle. Wind up buddies with the guy, choosing jukebox selections with him and allowing him to buy me the third beer than allowed his ramblings to become more entertaining than annoying.
Yeah, you know what I picked.
The other notable character from the dive last night was the guy who showed up, announced (apparently sober) "My dog is outside. Can I have a vodka tonic?"
The bartender replied, "For your dog?"
"No. My dog is outside. But *I* want a vodka tonic. For myself."
The bartender and I exchanged a look, and she poured the dude's drink.
He wanted to pay with a credit card, and she told him there was a $10 limit. He agreed. The card was declined. "Try it again, it's new," he said. Declined again. The bartender told him where he could find an ATM, and he left his drink on the bar and never came back.
Earlier, another bar parton had ordered a plate of nachos, paid, and then left without a bite or a word.
"The vodka tonic guy is out smoking a bowl with the nachos guy," I suggested.
"Nah," said the bartender. "The nachos guy is an undercover cop."
Hell, when you live in LA, you get to sit on the friggin' stage of the freak show.
One of my favorite crazy old white men, not so far off from the eariler Maya Angelou wisdom:
"When you're born into this world, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in this country, you get a front row seat. I say: sit back and enjoy the show."
--George Carlin
For instance, last night at The Neighborhood Dive, I was engaged in unwanted conversation -- by a stumbling 49-year-old bricklayer spouting off trivia from the history of rock drumming -- from the moment I walked in. My choices were:
a) Finish my beer and get out of here.
b) Well, go with the flow for now, then finish this second beer and get out of here, since the bartender just bought me a pint for putting up with this guy (after assuring me that he's been coming in for years and is harmless).
c) Stick around long enough for Rick to show up, because Rick really needs to see this spectacle. Wind up buddies with the guy, choosing jukebox selections with him and allowing him to buy me the third beer than allowed his ramblings to become more entertaining than annoying.
Yeah, you know what I picked.
The other notable character from the dive last night was the guy who showed up, announced (apparently sober) "My dog is outside. Can I have a vodka tonic?"
The bartender replied, "For your dog?"
"No. My dog is outside. But *I* want a vodka tonic. For myself."
The bartender and I exchanged a look, and she poured the dude's drink.
He wanted to pay with a credit card, and she told him there was a $10 limit. He agreed. The card was declined. "Try it again, it's new," he said. Declined again. The bartender told him where he could find an ATM, and he left his drink on the bar and never came back.
Earlier, another bar parton had ordered a plate of nachos, paid, and then left without a bite or a word.
"The vodka tonic guy is out smoking a bowl with the nachos guy," I suggested.
"Nah," said the bartender. "The nachos guy is an undercover cop."
Hell, when you live in LA, you get to sit on the friggin' stage of the freak show.
Labels: drunken old guys
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<$I18N$LinksToThisPost>:
Create a Link
<< Home