I like to try local food from cultures that aren't my own. You should see some of the weird pig dishes I ate in Germany. However, it took me almost a week to try one of the preserved duck eggs I picked up in Chinatown on Sunday. It was black, mostly eggy with a scary aftertaste, and half of one was enough. I'm giving the rest to the Taiwan-dwelling friends whose initial pidan excitement made me pick them up in the first place -- though I might try one more with the suggested vinegar/soy/rice wine/ginger sauce, which does sound rather tasty.

A previous discussion of the duck eggs led one of my friends to use the clever adjective "Peace Corps-adventurous," coming soon to a slang lexicon near you.

Another day, another travel book. Expect far too many tidbits from Hidden Hawaii for a while. Like, what's Hawaii's number one cash crop? Coffee? Sugar? Pineapples. Nah. Marijuana.

As I sit here listing my ancient paperbacks on Half.com, it's striking how many of them have water damage. More than I remembered from the floods of 1995, when I lived on the sixth floor but still wound up with a lake in my bedroom every time it rained. Did the housing office give me a discount? Nuh-uh. After my roommate moved out, did they move someone else in, even though the physical plant had declared my apartment the most flood-prone one on the hall? Yup. Universities really are high-rent slumlords sometimes.

Right about now, the floodwaters of Central/Eastern Europe are arriving in Hamburg. Sounds like the dikes will hold up, but I'm still a little nervous for my former adopted hometown. The flood damage that's already happened in Germany and the Czech Republic is sad enough. Blah.

Interesting editorial in the Boston Banner, arguing that Boston's murder rate is not as revealing a statistic as the number of aggravated assaults.Then again, maybe we're safer in the city because you're more likely to get killed by a car in the 'burbs than by a drive-by in the 'hood. In other words, the world's a dangerous place; live where the hell you want.

Sad but true: until a minute ago, I was trying to download a Spongebob Squarepants video clip from Kazaa. That's not the sad part. Okay, maybe it is. Anyway, I aborted the download because it was taking too long, but not before I looked to see what else the uploader had in his shared folder:

P*rn. Lots and lots of hardcore p*rn. Why the asterisk? Because I don't want any twisted websearchers getting here by typing "Spongebob p*rn" into Google, that's why. You know they're out there. Probably writing Spongebob/Patrick slash as we speak.

I've been reading Lonely Planet Middle East, kindly provided to me by the Parker Hill branch library. (Have I mentioned that the public library system is my favorite thing about being back in the states?) No, I'm not planning a trip -- as if I can afford to go to Detroit, let alone Dubai. No, I was curious because a friend of mine is moving to Bahrain to teach business English. Also, LP tends to be somewhat impartial, and I figured I owed it to myself to give myself a quick-and-dirty introduction to that region, courtesy of someone other than the US government.

I had some trouble with this book, because what some Mid East countries would call "thousand-year-old traditions," I call rampant sexism. I took philosophy 101, so I know all about cultural relativism, so I'm going to grit my teeth and stay off that subject here. (I will say that because of the limitations on female visitors, some countries in the Middle East region are at the bottom of my To Visit list). Other things I found interesting, though:

* Bahrain is billed as the easiest of the Gulf states to visit. Could have something to do with nearly 40% of the residents and 60% of the workforce being foreign. You're more likely to find Asian food than schwarma in the capital.

* Egypt: mind-blowing history, bad food.

* "Iranian television is so boring that most Iranians don't bother watching it."

* In Israel and elsewhere, you can save on accomodations at some hostels and budget hotels by sleeping on a mattress on the roof. It's probably cooler, too.

* Many Middle Eastern countries won't let you in if you have an Israeli passport stamp. So choose, or go to the rest of the region before Israel, or to go Israel when your passport's almost expired anyway.

* Apparently when you walk down the street in Jordan, locals will cheerfully yell, "Welcome in Jordan!" and mean it.

* You can go skiing in Lebanon.

* Beirut, now that it's stopped getting blown up, sounds rather fun.

* Camel racing! Bull butting! Bull butting is sort of a bulls-only version of bullfighting, where the bulls bonk heads until one of them gives up -- no blood.

* The "best nightlife" in the nation of Oman is watching turtles nest.

* Qatar sounds pretty boring, but at least alcohol is legal.

* Turkey: get me there so I can eat doener kebab every day. Seriously. They had that stuff in Germany and it was gooooood. And plenty of ancient "Greek" stuff is really in Turkey. Side note: the sizable Turkish population in Hamburg was always cool to me, partially because Turkish Germans were once clueless foreigners with German language skills as bad as mine. Maybe that's no reason to want to visit their country of origin -- presumably they left for a reason. But still, I dig the Turks.

* SUV owners take note: there are many parts of the world where one actually needs a 4-wheel-drive to get from point A to point B. That's what 4WD is for.

* Just when I was sort of getting used to Middle Eastern culture(s), along comes Yemen. Yemen is one of the more untouched-by-modernity nations in the region, and it's pretty unique. Where can I get some qat?

It's worth noting that the edition of LP Middle East I've been reading was published in 2000, and Americans are much more limited in where they can/should travel these days. Ever-weird Yemen used to just be exotic and untouristed; now it's probably a no-go.

Crazy world we live in(tm).

Sorry for the silence. My brain melted.

I just realized that I missed the one-year anniversary of I-just-found-out-I'm-fired-by-reading-the-Wall-Street-Journal Day. The day the Industry Standard finally waved the white flag. The bankruptcy in and of itself was not so bad ,and certainly not unexpected (though the method of delivery left something to be desired...I eventually got a form letter, too). That day, however, did set off Avalanche of Crap 2001, the epic shitstorm that has somehow lasted all through 2002 and shows no signs of letting up.

Happy new year?

Hot. Hot hot hot hot hot. Hot.

Nothing much new that I feel like sharing with the Internet, so here's an oldie-but-goodie insult to my intelligence, verbatim from the J**n L**n*rd temp agency Powerpoint test:

To add a new slide to a presentation, click the _________ button on the standard toolbar.
a) Format Painter
b) New Slide
c) Add a hyperlink
d) Undo

Pending the completion of some paperwork, however, I do have a new contract writing job to supplement my Media Unspun income, so I don't hafta be your temp slave again until, uh, November.

I still think this should be required reading. And I don't say that often about Globe articles. Though I think they should have titled it something more descriptive, like "Stupid things people with 401(k)s say." Not that I'm bitter.

I know I should be over it by now. But I'm not. Whenever I see Dubya talking on TV, I have the same four thoughts, in roughly this order:
1. I can't believe this monkey is in charge.
2. He is talking complete bullshit right now.
3. But no one seems to know it's bullshit.
4. Help!

I decided to torture myself and figure out what this apartment costs us per night.

Then I considered the nightly fee on a double room in a good European hostel.

Next recession, I'm going backpacking.

Napped for 4 1/2 hours yesterday afternoon; filed it under "catching up." Slept for 11 hours last night; don't think that qualifies as catch-up anymore.

Put a piece of masking tape on the TV; wrote on it: "95% wasted time." Should do the same for the computer. And the bed.

Sentence fragments. I'm really a professional writer. Honest.

Six tons of fertilizer on fire six miles from my house. Afraid to go outside and inhale.

2002 update: two weddings down, two to go. I'm definitely starting to note some trends.

• If you go to enough weddings of former classmates, you don't need to go to reunions.
  
• Awkward social moments with people you haven't seen in years are nicely mitigated by the festive occasion at hand. And the open bar.
  
• My gender still hasn't figured out the bit about comfortable shoes.
  
• Weddings can actually be fun. Let's see if I still think that after I've been to all four.
  

Every once in a while, I look down to see what other Kazaa users are downloading from my shared folder. By far the most popular selection: The Dead Milkmen's "Punk Rock Girl." I absolutely can not explain this.

P2P: the revolutionary, not-so-new way to spread your guilty pleasures to hard drives everywhere.

As an addendum to the post below, I should note that I found Germany infuriatingly sexist about much more important matters than haircut pricing, such as women in the workplace. If you want a feminist Europe, go to Scandinavia.

To make a long, pointless story short, I got a haircut today. Then I went to the counter and was charged 6 dollars more than I expected.

"You cut all my husband's hair off for $14," I said.

"Men are $14, women are $23. We charged you only $20 because we didn't wash your hair."

"But my husband had much longer hair than me. Ponytail down to here," (motioning to shoulders) "Why should he pay less because he's a man? Why should I pay you more to cut less hair?"

At this point, they pretended not to remember him, then pretended not to understand me. Whatever. It's stupid, especially for a business run by women. I don't care if it's right down the street, I'm not going back.

It just occurred to me that in Germany, salons charge both genders on the same scale: whether your hair is longer or shorter than 20cm. Dammit, I've been back for four months -- quit it with the culture shock already.

I've gotten some hilarious business junk mail since going freelance (i.e., declaring sole proprietorship and getting taxed like a business even when I'm in the lowest tax bracket). This might be the best:

Congratulations! Our records show that 2003 is the very important 5th anniversary of Jennifer Muehlbauer! You have every reason to be proud of this milestone in your company's history.

I'm five! I'm five! I'm a big girl now, I'm five!

Also in yesterday's mail: the fourth and final wedding invitation I expect to receive this year. I'm hittin' three weddings in the next eight weeks. Hello, welcome to your late 20's, we hope you enjoy your stay.