I have no time to comment extensively, but behold another reason to hate cell phones (and the entire 21st century). Basically, NYC schools are more vigorously enforcing their ban on student cell phones, confiscating them on the way into school and such. While I think that's overboard -- if it's not disrupting the class, it's none of my business what's in a kid's purse or pocket -- the parental response is WAY overboard.

But...but...how am I supposed to keep up with little Billy's extracurricular activities? How am I supposed to know little Jimmy got to school okay? The same way parents did for eternity before the invention of the electronic leash - by planning things in advance, and trusting your kid to update you if there's an emergency or a big change in plan.

Man, and I thought caller ID cramped my style in high school. Imagine if our parents called us multiple times a day. I continue to be glad I grew up in the (relatively to today) low-tech 80s and early 90s.

[I guess I commented extensively after all, if not eloquently. Back to slogging through educational psychology now.]

An "actress"/waitress -- and I normally have nothing in common with them -- drops a nugget of truth to the LA Weekly:

"...it’s toxic and gross and yet somehow it becomes... home.”

Have I mentioned that I joined MySpace last summer, mainly to see what the teenaged counselors-in-training were talking about? And that my students are *so* excited when they ask me if I have MySpace and I say yes? At least many of my LA friends and associates are on my "friends" list now, so I no longer look like as much of a pedophile as I did in the beginning. Though one of the moms at my afterschool job, who periodically logged into her 14-year-old's MySpace to see what was up, expressed appreciation that I was on there "keeping an eye on things," too.

I have such mixed feelings. For one, I remember when the Internet was for nerds, and I kind of miss those days. Now you're a dork if you *don't* talk to people online. And they all think it's so new - it's just a BBS with pictures, ugly graphics, and way too much embedded video.

It also gives me a little too much info, especially since my work with youth has always had a tinge of, shall we say, emotional overinvestment. A MySpace profile can tell you a little too much about someone when maybe you'd be better off just teaching them algebra. I think I will not allow students to add me when I become a "real" teacher, but I actually haven't decided yet.

Anyway, here's what's passing for a 'Net meme in south central these days, posted as a comment from one of my former middle school students to another. Considered in the context of the culture they're being raised in, it's actually a somewhat touching expression of affection...but step back, and it's completely disturbing. This is the duality I'm going to be living in for the forseeable future.

BLOODZ BANG RED
CRIPZ BANG BLUE
I BANG ANY BITCH
THAT FUCKS WIT U
SEND THIS 2 ALL THA REAL HOMMIES THAT U KNO WILL ALWAYZ B THERE 4 U WHEN U NEED EM

UR ENEMY STABS U IN DA FRONT...... UR FRIEND STABS U IN DA BACK...... UR GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND STABS U IN DA HEART..... BUT ME, UR GOOD FRIEND CARRIES A KNIFE TO STAB THOSE MUTHAFUCKAS RIGHT BACK......

HoMiEs TiLL ThE FuCkIn EnD !!
AnD AfTeR ThAt We StILL RiDe In H3AvEn!
ThI Is A TeSt T0 SeE H0W MaNy H0M13S AnD HoMeGiRlZ YoU GoT ON ThE InTeRnEt!!!
WhEn YoU G3T ThIs SeNt ThiS TO TeN HoMIeS
InClUdInG ThE H0MiE ThAt SeNt It To0 YoU If ThEy ArE A TrUe H0MiE To0 YoU!

..._...|..____________________, ,
....../ `---___________----_____|] = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
"ROSES ARE RED
DIAMONDS ARE BLUE
I WILL FIGHT ANY BITCH
THAT FUCKS WITH U
NOW SEND THIS
TO EVERYONE WHOSE
BACK U GOT AND SEE WHO
HAS URS!!!!!!!!"

***

Jen again. It's worth noting that once I asked student V if student J and he were still friends. V said, "Yeah, I guess...I mean, if he got jumped, I'd go in for him...but I don't really want to talk to him right now." So even if you aren't speaking to someone, friendship is defined, on some level, as whether you'd join someone's side in a brawl. Can't you see, when they put it that way, how gangs get started?

A Day Without A Mexican, and the guera gets off the fence

I've been hearing about this for weeks, but neglecting to mention it. That's too bad, because I could have scooped all the major English-language news outlets, like I did with the student walkouts.

Anyway, on May 1, there will be a Latino/pro-immigrant boycott. People will call in sick to work, ditch school, and not spend any money. The no-work thing has been minimized over the weeks, because a) a lot of the 500,000 people at the immigration rally in LA a few weeks ago skipped work for that, and are nervous to do it again and b) the powers-that-be got wind of this one and employers like local school districts have made it clear that heads will roll for anyone who calls in sick that day. This may be good news for Latinos, since it means that the bosses are willing and able to consume Spanish-language media and find out about such things...

As an educator, I'm tired of kids missing school (for ANY reason...and it irritates me that this is the only reason that gets attention while our giant truancy problem goes unaddressed). But after a few weeks of serious thought, I've decided I'm in favor of letting all 12 million of these folks stay here, and I support whatever peaceful protest the communitiy comes up with.

(Here comes the hate mail...)

We can't keep turning a blind eye when we need people to do our dirty work, then sending them away when our economic needs are met and we start getting nervous about overcrowding or, god forbid, living in a city with more brown people than white people. It's not right (and this isn't the first time). It's not that they "do the jobs Americans won't do." It's that they do them in horrible conditions and for horrible pay that Americans, as first-world people, won't tolerate (and good for us). THAT is the first thing that needs to stop, and that's going to be hard, because corporate greed and exploitation is pretty much a cultural norm in this country at this point, with the treatment of migrants and immigrants being only the starkest example, not the only example.

Yet, you can't get upset at someone who's lived in dire poverty their whole lives thinking $7 an hour is huge money, and breaking their backs in violation of all labor laws (not just immigration laws) to earn it. Can you imagine that peddling oranges on the side of the freeway gives you more money than you've ever seen in your life, enough to save some to wire to Mexico so your kids back there can eat a little better? That's nuts. If you want to bitch about people coming here illegally to make a better life for themselves or their families, go read or hear about what daily life is actually like in Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala. Then tell me you wouldn't be in someone's trunk headed for the border as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

Yes, the whole situation sucks. It sucks for our infrastructure, our health care, our schools, and probably a few areas I haven't thought about. But we let it happen. Now let's fix it - and fix it in a more humane way than we created it, por favor.

In my email box, from someone who gets paid exactly the same as I do, with exactly the same chance of advancement in this dead-end nonprofit hellhole...

Subject: Celebrating my getting old
Body: Hi everyone! I'm celebrating my 22nd bday at...

Have I mentioned lately that I'm ready to have a real job again, with grown-up coworkers? After nonsense like this, it is *so* refreshing to attend homebrew meetings and get teased for my youth by people in their 40s and 50s. Many new teachers will also be 22-ish, but let's face it: they won't last long.

In honor of my exasperation with some of the elementary school teachers in my program, another oldie-but-goodie joke for your Friday.

***

A kindergarten teacher asked the class what they did over their winter vacation.

"I visited my Nana!" said little Billy.

"No, Billy, let's use a grownup word. You visited your grandmother. Nancy, what did you do on vacation?"

"I rode on a choo-choo," Nancy replied.

"That's nice, but the grown-up word is train. Jimmy, what can you tell us about your vacation?

And Jimmy says proudly, "I read Winnie The Shit!"

Feed me, Seymour!

Some friends and I used to joke, back in the days of "Pork: The Other White Meat" commercials on heavy rotation, that it would be funny if those food PSRs got even more general. What if we had, you know, The Food Council? We could have slogans like, "EAT! You must do it!" and "Food: It's what's for dinner."

Sadly, food actually needs PR these days. And here, I warn you that there is feminist rage incoming.

Somehow, I have developed both a reputation at work as both "the skinny tutor" and the one who's always eating. The guys can eat as much and as often and whatever crap they like without anyone noticing, but I get filthy looks and stolen, longing glances at my meals (sandwiches and salads!), and comments like "You never skip a meal, do you?"

No, I don't ever skip a meal, and why should I? I can afford three meals a day, and I'm grateful to, and that's how many I eat. I find myself having to fucking EXPLAIN MYSELF for eating three meals a day - oh, I get bitchy if I skip a meal, I get really hungry, etc. No...as Chris Rock once said about other things, "That's what you're SUPPOSED to do." This is way less fucked up than nigh-bragging how you "never eat lunch." And did it occur to anyone that my supposed thinness (I'm average, size 12 even, I swear to god) may be DUE TO my balanced nutrition, and my refusal to screw over my metabolism in the name of fad diets?

Need I remind anyone that I work in a building full of children, many of whom hang out in our room during lunch and see a bunch of women not eating? And behold the giant hypocrisy of telling a girl she needs to eat lunch to have energy for her math homework, while drinking a fucking meal-replacement shake and talking to the staff about how healthy it is and how she's lost so much weight. You MUST be kidding me.

Listen, people. You work in a school. You are a role model, like it or not, for young people. If you have food issues, you're certainly not alone, but at least PRETEND you don't while there are impressionable young girls around. At minimum, don't talk about how many meals you skip like it's a good thing, some kind of badge of honor of how overextended and important a little non-profit martyr you are. And don't give me attitude because I listen to the Food Council and figure out how to eat lunch every day.

Dammit Jim, I'm a math tutor, not a social worker!

I am not exactly in love with the field of educational psychology so far. I knew I wouldn't be. I don't care what infants are thinking - am I going to be teaching infants? Granted, all that some of my teenagers seem capable of doing is eating and pooping, but I know deep down that can't actually be true.

Educational psychology seems obsessed with breaking things down into stages and orders, and my other education class brought up the theme of "emotional investment" (ie potential for emotional overinvolvement, like I'm so good at) and so I got started thinking about the stages of a relationship an educator can have with a kid.

Stage 0: Kid blows you off.
Stage 1: All business. The kid asks questions about the subject matter or at least allows you to explain some things.
Stage 2: Mostly business with some chit-chat and harmless peronal info. I'm on the basketball team, my mom just had a baby, I just got back from Christmas in Mexico, Miss do you watch Family Guy, etc.

The vast majority of students stay in stages 0, 1, or 2 forever. However...

Stage 3: Bonding. This kid really likes you. They seem to be absorbing the subject matter, finally, plus they really want to chat. They may call you over in class to have a conversation (which you must diffuse) or come to see you at lunch or at some other free time, and will do some homework first, but they really just want to chill with you. Warning! Watch for falling rocks drama! This is when you may start being asked for advice of a non-academic nature.
Stage 4: Will you be my therapist/sister/mommy? This kid likes you way too much, and probably, frighteningly enough, looks up to you. They come before school or during lunch or whenever with their book, but put it in front of them, unopened, saying they don't really need any help today. EXTREME DANGER! DRAMA MAY BE TOXIC! You are officially the only decent adult role model this student has if they are going out of their way to spend time with you. This is when you start to hear about the child abuse, the self-destructive behavior, the deep-seated hatred for various family members, the crappy boyfriends. This is also when you might need to kick things over to the county, at least encourage the kid to see a real therapist, as you have no such training.

Like all stages of development, this one is bullshit a rough guideline. Students in stage 0 may jump right to a stage 3 question, such as "What happens if you don't show up to court?" or a kid in stage 2 might jump to a stage 4 question, like "Am I going to go to hell because I like to hurt animals?" (also a true story). I once took a kid from stage 1 to stage 4 on my own, when I found out she was cutting herself (breaking of many rules by not just immediately referring it to the school counselor, but I did convince her to go there on her own with, I think, a much better outcome than if I'd just busted her).

This will be the first of many times I say, "Why do teachers get summers off? Because they need it." Mine are coming soon. Well, by the time I'm 33, anyway.