And now, some stupidity

That last post was too heavy. Cleanse your palate and please your inner 12-year-old with the following pictures:

Mr. T wants you to go to my local locksmith:


The Trader Joe's in SOMA has the best blackboard art ever:


But Jen, you promised us stupidity! This is merely inane! Okay, okay...

Also courtesy of Trader Joe's. I guess in New Zealand it's a bird, but in England it's...

Anyway, we went out walking around San Francisco with some friends on Sunday. It was correctly pointed out to us that, in the Castro, perfectly innocent business names take on new meaning.

Like the one above, and the too-shadowy-to-photograph "Squat and Gobble." I'm gonna say "Squat and Gobble" is a bad restaurant name no matter how you take it.

And, the winner in the "this is arguably a single entendre, not a double entendre" category is...


So bad, even Conan did a facepalm:

I'm going through some old piles of junk and I just found the table of contents for "The Teacher's Encyclopedia of Behavior Management." It was given to me at my last job in a context I blissfully don't remember much of. I know it was a large-ish meeting, not one of the many times I was singled out by an administrator for being "culturally insensitive" or "too nice" or "Malibu Barbie" or whatever.

It's telling they gave us the table of contents, featuring a list of behavior problems, but not any of the text that would tell us how to HANDLE said problems.

I remember looking through the 100 problems (Jay Z: "...and a bitch ain't one") and realizing it would be easier to count problems I hadn't witnessed in the classroom rather than the ones I had. If memory serves, I was spared these:
* page 457, Masturbation (thank God for small favors)
* page 781, Tourette Syndrome (I'm pretty none of the potty-mouth I heard was clinical)
* page 807, Wetting/Soiling Pants (Big Lebowski: "At least I'm housebroken!")

...and, that's it. Running down the list is like visiting old friends: complaining, chronic crying, disruptive behavior -- severe, drug use, fighting, gang involvement, harassment, homelessness, hygeine problems, inappropriate displays of intimacy, nosepicking, self-injurious behavior, sexual comments, spitting, stealing, suicide threats, tantrumming (it says "K or 1st grader" in parentheses...clearly they never saw my 7th graders), threatening others, vandalism, weapons, etc etc. Well...maybe not old friends.

Then there's the "I wish I could care about these problems" problems. You know, like the ones I always heard about from teachers at nicer schools at professional development sessions. Forgetting materials, gum chewing, homework issues, late work, sloppy work, talking in class, tardiness. (Beach Boys: "Wouldn't it be nice...") It was like reading teacher blogs and hearing those philosophical musings about stuff like, "My students are learning procedure, but are they understanding it?" I would have been happy for my students to learn that you don't try to sit on your boyfriend's lap in class, you don't check out the teacher's ass and ask for her phone number, and you wait til after school to try and get high or fight someone.

It just occurred to me to go through the list again and list the behavior problems I witnessed between adult staff at the two schools I worked at, but I think I'll put it straight into recycling instead.

How's my new job? It's fine, thanks for asking.

"I sang in the shower this morning because the water was hot and because no one was trying to kill me. It was a pure, uncomplicated happiness. I can only hope this lasts."
-- Chris Ayres, _War Reporting For Cowards_

I have fully transitioned to giving rude drivers a thumbs-down instead of a middle finger.

I have not stopped swearing at them from the safety of my car, however.

I'm with Coco, but I'm not exactly crying over it

I wanted to be well-informed again, but be careful what you wish for. I am suffering from extreme Haiti and Massachusetts senator fatigue. (And yes, I donated some money to Doctors Without Borders. And yes, YES, I knew Haiti was in trouble before this earthquake and I also give to local charities. I also have "why do people wait until a tragedy to help?" and "what about the problems in our own backyard?" fatigue. Making people feel guilty for giving to charity? Huh? Shut up already.)

In much lighter news, I've been watching Conan for the last couple weeks. I've always thought he was pretty funny, and watched the Late Show (and this year, the Tonight Show) occasionally (or at least fast forwarded to Triumph or Year 2000/3000). I've very much enjoyed his mockery of LA and Twitter this year. But knowing he's got nothing to lose has made him particularly awesome these few weeks. Not everyone gets to go out on top like Conan will.

In short, I think Conan is funny, Leno is not funny, and therefore NBC is dumb. That Leno prime time show seemed like a bad idea from the start, even to me, and I don't know much about the TV industry.

It's nice to see Conan stand up for himself/the Tonight Show/Jimmy Fallon, but it's even nicer that at least once per show he reminds people that there are real problems in the world and this silly showbiz kerfluffle isn't one of them. On that note: really, people are demonstrating in the street over this? There should have been riots all through the Bush administration, then. (Do I sound like one of those preachy "donating after an earthquake isn't enough" people now? Sorry...)

It's hard to feel too, too bad for Conan. His career is surely not over, and $45 million is a really shiny golden parachute. Leno can have my job for $45 million. On the other hand, I've relocated for a job and then had the job disappear, so that really does suck, and I hope everyone involved with the show got enough severance to move back to NY if that's what they want.

Finally, I know basic cable is considered a demotion from network, but watch this and tell me Conan wouldn't be happier at Comedy Central anyway:

Conan O'Brien Plays Rock Band