With apologies to the good people at Rinkworks

Date: December 31, 1999

Dave: I am a compulsive gambler who can't afford a cup of coffee.
Edie: I am generous to a fault and buy Dave coffee every day.

Devil: Hey Dave, would you sell Edie's soul for a winning lottery ticket?
Dave: Sounds good.
Edie: Hey Dave, we won the lottery.
Dave: Shit.

Jesus: You know these are End Times because the Book of Life is stored on a laptop.
MacOS: Would you like top open the 5th seal? [cancel/ok]
Mary Magdelene: In real life I'm PJ Harvey, so I have a gratuitious singing scene.

Jesus: Devil, I'll trade you Edie's soul for the book of life.
Devil: I can buy and sell souls, but I cannot open a ThinkPad.

*unsatisfying ending*
Audience: Shit.