8:10: I wonder how much the other two chicks from Destiny's Child hate Beyonce this year.

8:21: Hey! Christina Aguliera's wearing clothes! And I'm wearing the mute button!

8:25: "...and, from "The Whole Ten Yards," Matthew Perry!" Yeah, just try and distance yourself from "Friends," buddy. None of you are going to survive outside syndication except Lisa Kudrow and maybe Jennifer Anniston.

8:26: Bon Jovi, The Eagles, a crappy Fountains of Wayne song, "matchbox twenty" (so artsy), and No Doubt. If No Doubt hadn't beaten out that group, I would have had to...uh...declare the Grammys a farce. Too late.

8:33: It's going to be hard for anyone to beat that White Stripes performance. In general, I like the White Stripes much better live than on their recorded tracks. Can anyone who knows music explain why?

8:37: Outkast wins a Grammy. Andre dawdles up to the stage, hugs presenter BB King, says "Thank you," and walks off. I'm not sure if that's classy or arrogant.

8:48: This will be the most-made comment of Grammys 2004, but I'll say it anyway: I find it much more reprehensible that Justin Timberlake won a Grammy than that he disrobed Janet Jackson. George Harrison and Warren Zevon are rolling in their graves.

9:01: Either the Staples Center, CBS, or my TV is having audio problems. But it's only Celine Dion's singing getting distorted, so it hardly matters.

9:31: Zzzzzzzzzzzz. At least I'm catching up on my stack of unread Brewing News papers.

9:39: Are the woman in Black Eyed Peas and the white girlfriend on "Whoopi" the same person?

9:41: Please, please, put Justin Timberlake away now. Isn't he breaking some media consolidation rule at this point, like when Clear Channel owns too many stations in the same area?

9:53: Ditto for Beyonce. Call the DoJ! It's antitrust!

9:59: I'm no huge Evanescence fan, but it's nice to see 50 Cent get spanked, little marketing slut that he is. I'm reminded of Chris Rock's commentary: "When 50 Cent came out I never heard a damn thing about the music, all I kept hearing was he got shot nine times. Who produced it? He got shot nine times. What was on it? He got shot NINE TIMES!" I'm not surprised he tried to steal the spotlight and climbed on stage with Evanescence even after he lost. Chump.

10:18: So the big blow-out musical number so far has been a funk-fest hosted by Samuel L. Jackson, including Outkast and Earth, Wind, and Fire on the same stage, and George Clinton (among dozens) singing "Get Low." Very cool. Then again, I'd hoped Alicia Keys would save R&B, so my hopes for funk saving hip-hop are not high.

10:27. Okay, we had Beyonce and Prince, Sting and Sean Paul, the funk/hip-hop throwdown, now the Foo Fighters and Chick Corea...I'm getting weary of the genre mash-ups. It seems more and more like the Grammys saying, "Look! We're edgy! We do the unexpected! In an innocent, non-FCC-offending way that does not involve exposed nipple!" Next up, Weird Al plays the accordion for Rammstein!

10:35: Coldplay just gave a shout-out to John Kerry. Is that what'll pass for controversial this year?

10:51: Fading. Check grammy.com for the list of winners, since the show has skimped on announcing actual awards in favor of extended performances. I own Best Record, Best Album/Rap Album, and Best Rock Album -- I am officially getting old. But I also learn that the Blind Boys of Alabama won one, so it's all good.

11:22: I've forced myself to stick around til the end, and I'm glad. Forget what I said before about being sick of the cross-genre thing. "Hey Ya" with the USC marching band kicks ass, though I imagine the Indian motif is making a vein pop out of Sherman Alexie's forehead.