Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Today in English class, someone joked about drinking with the teacher after class. The teacher said earnestly that she neither smokes nor drinks. They didn't believe her, so I offered back-up: "Not all adults drink, you know." (I'm not touching "smoking" with a ten foot pole, as they don't always mean "cigarettes.")
Of course, this begged the question of whether I drink. I said, "Yes, I drink. I like beer." And there was an uproar, and I continued, "But you have to understand this doesn't mean I'm getting plastered every night. I want to tell you how they drink in Germany: it's normal to have a beer with dinner. It's part of the meal. You don't have to get drunk every time you drink."
Then they were full of questions, because they'd heard kids can drink in Europe, and the subject was off ME, which is what I wanted. I explained that the legal drinking age was 16 in Germany, but again, this mostly meant you could go relax at a pub with your friends and watch soccer, not that you were going to get wasted in someone's basement -- the culture is different there.
Of course, this whole culturally-sensitive moment was full of half-truths
a) I like to drink things other than beer. But I chose beer because that's the thing I really appreciate like a gourmet, so it's the best example, if I'm pressed about WHY I drink.
b) I like to get hammered sometimes. But I wanted to point out that you don't *need* to; that there are more mature ways to enjoy alcohol. They might not have seen adult examples of this yet.
c) Who are we kidding? Germans do have a healthier attitude towards alcohol, but they get drunk, too. I guess part of me wanted to introduce the subversive idea that things that are right/wrong in this country might be wrong/right somewhere else. In the Bush era, this is important.
Given free reign, I'd REALLY say something like this:
Look. I'm older than you and I grew up in a more sheltered place. And if I saw alcohol at parties once in sixth grade, once in tenth grade, and once in eleventh grade, I know you're probably seeing it every weekend. And I know there's a good possibility that you're drinking it. I know that whether you're a good student or a good kid does not affect whether you party, even if your teachers are always saying they hope you're "too smart" for that.
Honestly? I'm not going to tell you to wait until you're 21, because that's silly, and you won't. You possibly already haven't. I'm not going to tell you to wait until you're 18, either. I had two drinks (ooh! what a rebel!) before I was 19, and I was really square, so surely you'll have at least those two. And I'm not going to discourage you from tasting alcoholic drinks, because they're probably going to be part of your adult life and you should know what you like and what you don't like -- and there's only one way to find out.
I do want to tell you that while I don't regret tasting booze when I was young, I also don't regret not getting drunk until I was older. When I look back on high school and middle school, I can see only screwed-up times. I'm frankly glad I didn't introduce a bunch of chemicals to complicate the issue. I'm glad I didn't get drunk with the guys I knew in high school, who, in retrospect, were not all the safest people to know. Plus, if you're still growing, your tolerance is going to grow and change with you, so it's going to be harder to learn your limits so you don't wind up puking all over the boy/girl you like. And it's easier to get addicted when you're young...no, it's not physically addictive like heroin, but any alcoholic will tell you it's addictive nonetheless.
Hey, wake up. I'm saying PLEASE WATCH THIS STUFF. Be careful. I'd rather you not get drunk until you're older and your body and mind can take the abuse better. As Chef said on South Park, "There's a time and a place for everything, children, and it's called 'college.'" If you're going to get drunk now -- and since you're not a full-grown adult, "drunk" could mean one or two beers -- I want you to think seriously about what could happen. Do you trust everyone you're drinking with? Like, trust them with your life? That's essentially what you're doing when you surrender your decision-making powers to booze in a group. You're putting your life in the hands of your friends and the bottle as much as your own.
If you don't care about your life, well, that's another issue.
I know you want to escape. Trust me, I know. But living to laugh about it is the ultimate escape. Trust me on that one, too.
I'm not a role model. I've made some bad choices. You will, too. I just hope you make your worst choices when you're experienced enough in life to deal with the fallout.
Thanks for listening. What did you say you and your friends drink, again? ... Really? Oh man. Don't just fill your body with a bunch of crap. Sit down and let's split a GOOD beer. You've got to have your standards.
And then I'd go to jail.
Of course, this begged the question of whether I drink. I said, "Yes, I drink. I like beer." And there was an uproar, and I continued, "But you have to understand this doesn't mean I'm getting plastered every night. I want to tell you how they drink in Germany: it's normal to have a beer with dinner. It's part of the meal. You don't have to get drunk every time you drink."
Then they were full of questions, because they'd heard kids can drink in Europe, and the subject was off ME, which is what I wanted. I explained that the legal drinking age was 16 in Germany, but again, this mostly meant you could go relax at a pub with your friends and watch soccer, not that you were going to get wasted in someone's basement -- the culture is different there.
Of course, this whole culturally-sensitive moment was full of half-truths
a) I like to drink things other than beer. But I chose beer because that's the thing I really appreciate like a gourmet, so it's the best example, if I'm pressed about WHY I drink.
b) I like to get hammered sometimes. But I wanted to point out that you don't *need* to; that there are more mature ways to enjoy alcohol. They might not have seen adult examples of this yet.
c) Who are we kidding? Germans do have a healthier attitude towards alcohol, but they get drunk, too. I guess part of me wanted to introduce the subversive idea that things that are right/wrong in this country might be wrong/right somewhere else. In the Bush era, this is important.
Given free reign, I'd REALLY say something like this:
Look. I'm older than you and I grew up in a more sheltered place. And if I saw alcohol at parties once in sixth grade, once in tenth grade, and once in eleventh grade, I know you're probably seeing it every weekend. And I know there's a good possibility that you're drinking it. I know that whether you're a good student or a good kid does not affect whether you party, even if your teachers are always saying they hope you're "too smart" for that.
Honestly? I'm not going to tell you to wait until you're 21, because that's silly, and you won't. You possibly already haven't. I'm not going to tell you to wait until you're 18, either. I had two drinks (ooh! what a rebel!) before I was 19, and I was really square, so surely you'll have at least those two. And I'm not going to discourage you from tasting alcoholic drinks, because they're probably going to be part of your adult life and you should know what you like and what you don't like -- and there's only one way to find out.
I do want to tell you that while I don't regret tasting booze when I was young, I also don't regret not getting drunk until I was older. When I look back on high school and middle school, I can see only screwed-up times. I'm frankly glad I didn't introduce a bunch of chemicals to complicate the issue. I'm glad I didn't get drunk with the guys I knew in high school, who, in retrospect, were not all the safest people to know. Plus, if you're still growing, your tolerance is going to grow and change with you, so it's going to be harder to learn your limits so you don't wind up puking all over the boy/girl you like. And it's easier to get addicted when you're young...no, it's not physically addictive like heroin, but any alcoholic will tell you it's addictive nonetheless.
Hey, wake up. I'm saying PLEASE WATCH THIS STUFF. Be careful. I'd rather you not get drunk until you're older and your body and mind can take the abuse better. As Chef said on South Park, "There's a time and a place for everything, children, and it's called 'college.'" If you're going to get drunk now -- and since you're not a full-grown adult, "drunk" could mean one or two beers -- I want you to think seriously about what could happen. Do you trust everyone you're drinking with? Like, trust them with your life? That's essentially what you're doing when you surrender your decision-making powers to booze in a group. You're putting your life in the hands of your friends and the bottle as much as your own.
If you don't care about your life, well, that's another issue.
I know you want to escape. Trust me, I know. But living to laugh about it is the ultimate escape. Trust me on that one, too.
I'm not a role model. I've made some bad choices. You will, too. I just hope you make your worst choices when you're experienced enough in life to deal with the fallout.
Thanks for listening. What did you say you and your friends drink, again? ... Really? Oh man. Don't just fill your body with a bunch of crap. Sit down and let's split a GOOD beer. You've got to have your standards.
And then I'd go to jail.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I made good on one of my goals for 2004 and stewarded another beer competition. It was the same annual homebrew contest that I helped out at last time, but with some key differences, including a much smaller space that made it hard to bring bottles to my judges without hitting anyone with my big ass. Also, some of the categories were mixed together, which made it a hassle to find the beers I needed. Finally, one of the judges was a total jackass, both to me and in general, and I had to physically leave the bar for a while or risk pummeling this man and spending the night in whatever jail is closest to Long Beach.
In short, I'm glad this wasn't my first competition, or it might have been my last.
On the bright side, for the second year in a row, one of my two judges was somebody I already knew and liked from my homebrew club. This year, I learned a lot about English-style bitters. What I already knew was, "Uh, it's a misnomer because they're not that bitter?" Which is true, but there's more to it, as always. These are the beers that give English beers the flat-and-warm reputation, because that's how they taste best. The ones that are closest to style are malty, but not SO malty. They brew well in the fall (oh...now?) I'd forgotten how yummy Fullers ESB, our commercial example, is.
I've not been in the mood to brew lately, so the fermenter has been empty since Rick did his second batch of weizenbock a few weeks ago. I'm going to look online for a Fullers ESB clone that I can do as an extract recipe, or just go with the homebrew store's bitter recipe if not. Mmm. Bitter.
In short, I'm glad this wasn't my first competition, or it might have been my last.
On the bright side, for the second year in a row, one of my two judges was somebody I already knew and liked from my homebrew club. This year, I learned a lot about English-style bitters. What I already knew was, "Uh, it's a misnomer because they're not that bitter?" Which is true, but there's more to it, as always. These are the beers that give English beers the flat-and-warm reputation, because that's how they taste best. The ones that are closest to style are malty, but not SO malty. They brew well in the fall (oh...now?) I'd forgotten how yummy Fullers ESB, our commercial example, is.
I've not been in the mood to brew lately, so the fermenter has been empty since Rick did his second batch of weizenbock a few weeks ago. I'm going to look online for a Fullers ESB clone that I can do as an extract recipe, or just go with the homebrew store's bitter recipe if not. Mmm. Bitter.
