Starving dot-commers have been moved here.

Proof that I didn't make up The Bull Market Deli has been moved here.

The over-educated tutor ad has been moved here.

5/7/02: Things are moving along. I'm still writing Media Unspun at ungodly early hours of the morning. The Boston Beer Summit is still fast approaching (change from the last note: I'm no longer pouring Concord Brewing, but Deja Brew. This is because, unbidden by me, the organizer must have thought it would be amusing to staff Owen, Rick and I side by side in a tipsy, in-joking line. He was probably right). I enjoyed the hell out of Somerville Open Studios, especially Hilary Scott's insane foam-scultpure funhouse and, as always, my friend Elana's bad-ass stained glass. All this, and a few too many parties last week, have distracted me from sorting through the wreckage of our looted shipment from Germany. But I'm a just a few cardboard boxes away from a presentable house. Maybe next week?

4/23/02: Finally, some good news. Tickets are going fast for the 2nd annual Boston Beer Summit (where yours truly will be pouring the ales of the Concord Junction Brewing Company). Volunteering for this fest has kept me amused during my first weeks in Boston, especially since all we did at the first "meeting" was drink free beer. Only somewhat affiliated with the Summit was the pub crawl I attended on Saturday, starting with a Sam Adams tour where a guy who calls himself "Monkey Boy" sweet-talked the tour guide into letting us sample some of this wildly expensive stuff. Close your eyes, and you're in Belgium -- and yes, you can taste the scotch barrels. Mmm.

1/30/02: This update will contain no references to Media Unspun. Damn, too late. Anyway, I have discovered the wrongest thing in the world: vending machine sandwiches that actually taste good and cost a dollar and change. I guess FEBO snacks really come from an an automat, not a vending machine. But still.

1/15/01: I think I will mention Media Unspun with every update until you subscribe. Yes, you. I can see you there at your computer. So here's the obligatory mention: MediaUnspunMediaUnspunMediaUnspun. Yeah.

In other news, this silly website says I should live in Albuquerque. It also says Rick should live in Albuquerque. Truth, coincidence, or big bribes from the Albuquerque Chamber of Commerce? You make the call.

1/4/02: Here's the January good news I hinted at earlier: the merry pranksters that produced Media Grok (yes, including me) are back with a new project. Please read all about it and help spread the gospel.

11/29/01: I've been posting so infrequently lately, you might suspect I've been working a lot. You'd be wrong. I did finish (sort of) my review of the European Music Awards that aired, oh, a month ago. Caveats: it contains cuss words and pop culture references, and clearly indicates why I'm not a professional entertainment writer. I have no shame.

11/20/01: Fun web fact: when you visit many alcohol-related websites, you'll be asked for your date of birth and your home country. As if one needs to be of legal drinking age to read about drinking. I've found one expert who agrees that this is stupid, since learning about beer isn't the same as doing a keg stand. Though I must add that no one, of any age, should ever visit Budweiser.com.

10/25/01: Sonicnet.com used to have this really cool thing, where you tell it what music you like and it programs a streaming radio station for you. I got some of the best segues ever (rap to folk, punk to blues, etc), because I'm a freak. It was also good for those of us who like bands, not genres, because if you didn't like something the station fed you, you could zap it and it would never appear again. I knew it was too good to last. Oh well. Hello, Launch.com.

10/21/01: I've often wondered why otherwise intelligent people visit McDonalds or the Hard Rock Cafe when they travel. Aren't they all the same? Shouldn't you be out experiencing the local food and culture? Then, this weekend, I realized Rick and I do something kinda similar: we've found ourselves unable to resist Irish pubs in several countries, none of them Ireland. The one we went to this weekend, in Heidelberg, even had a website. Oh, the shame.

10/15/01: I haven't worked in almost three weeks. On purpose. Whee! I won't tell you how many books I've read :)

10/4/01: Here's a brief media lesson for those of you who aren't professional writers or editors. When you write for a newspaper or magazine, or even a corporate website or email newsletter, there's a process. You write your stuff, and then other people on staff read your stuff. Your editor reads it. A copyeditor reads it. Sometimes a fact-checker reads it. Sometimes your editor's boss reads it. And if you're dealing with a sensitive subject, like massive terrorism, a good editor-in-chief will work an even longer day to take a gander at it as well.

Here's what doesn't happen: you write something, it magically appears in print, and the staff of your publication says, "Gosh! How'd that get there?" Which is why it's bullshit when a writer says something off-color, readers complain, and the publication says "Gosh! Sorry" and fires the writer. This isn't Harry Potter-land, and the offending comment didn't get there by magic, okay?

Also, I don't buy that Ann Coulter quit on her own or that the columnist in Oregon wasn't booted for that Bush column. I may read Harry Potter, but I wasn't born yesterday.

9/26/01: Oktoberfest, despite supposedly being "somber" and "subdued" this year due to The Events, was pretty damn raucous anyway. I can only imagine what it's normally like.

It's been soothing to post here the last few weeks, but the online journal format really isn't my style. Also, it's getting too personal and -- though I've avoided it so far -- too close to invading the privacy of my friends and family. So this page will go back to wacky/infuriating links and self-promoting Jen-Muehlbauer-oriented professional updates. I'm unemployed again, so don't expect too much of the latter.

9/20/01: I was never so happy to see a Dave Barry book as I was yesterday. I was in the English-language library in Hamburg, looking for something light to read, that wouldn't require too much concentraion. I had to put down the Dune series because it's about holy war. Non-fiction isn't doing it, either. But for that overnight train to Munich - on which I probably won't get much sleep - booger jokes seem about right. If you need some jollies yourself, the Miami Herald has a lot of archives. I've also getting some much-needed laughter from the archives of Goats (disclaimer: not family-friendly, but very funny).

So I'm off to Oktoberfest. The screaming lunatics (both pro- and anti-America) have started to emerge in Hamburg, and I'm sure they're in Munich, too. I just hope none of them have guns, bombs, or planes. But you've got to go on and live your life.

9/16/01: We lost electricity and phone service today. My first thought was that something had been bombed. I went to the gas station around the corner (normal stores aren't open in Germany on Sunday) to see if I could buy some emergency supplies but the lights were on there, so I just bought some extra water, which I've decided to keep around for the duration. The woman in front of me was buying three different newspapers.

9/15/01: The train station was all out of English-language newspapers yesterday. I don't know why this was disconcerting, since I can read zillions of them online, but it was.

Went to a pub last night, because CNN was making us crazy. Talked to an inebriated British gentleman who, displaying an impressive command of the Anglo-Saxon expletive, angrily sympathized with us. I thanked him, and told him that we'd seen Tony Blair talk on TV and appreciated that, too.

Munich officials were talking about cancelling Oktoberfest, due to open next weekend. I myself had thought about not going, because that many NATO-country tourists in one place does seem like a giant bullseye. They decided yesterday that the festival is on. Some ceremonies and fireworks have been called off, and I'll most likely stay sober and spend more time than originally intended simply touring the city of Munich. But I agree with the mayor that caving in to terrorists is not the answer. A life lived in constant fear isn't much of a life.

9/14/01: It's disorienting to be in a foreign country while your homeland is in crisis, but the German people have been amazingly supportive. They're really as shocked and saddened as I am. There was a commemerative event at Hamburg's city hall plaza yesterday that drew 20,000 people (article in German and overhead picture of the crowd). I went to the US consulate yesterday and saw a memorial that stretched for blocks, and 100 people standing in line to sign a condolance book. I went back today and the piles of stuff were even deeper: candles, open letters to the American people (some in English), flags, teddy bears, sad pictures drawn by schoolkids, flowers. One of the local papers ran this full-page ad on Wednesday (German and English) and I've seen it all over town.

The message Germans want to send is that they're behind us. The message I want to send is that it's true.

9/13/01: Stuff's going down in here Hamburg. The details are still coming in but there've been four apartments searched and one man detained. The guys they're looking for might be the same two guys that arrived from Germany to learn how to fly planes in Florida, and who are suspected of being two of the hijackers. This is the best article so far. This is surreal. I'm from the New York area, I've lived in Boston, I've been to DC a lot, and now it's here. My mind reels. I'm really not sure how I'm still getting any work done, but I am.

While you're praying, crossing your fingers, or sending good karma - whatever you do at times like these - put in an extra good word for Risk Waters, where an (unharmed) friend of mine has quite a few missing coworkers.

9/12/01: I've already written more about this than I wanted to. (Here and here; see also my wise colleague Deb Asbrand on the economy). I ran into my landlady today and had to talk to her about it in broken German. I think everyone I know is fine but I've heard about a lot of close calls. Nothing more to add.

9/7/01: I hope this song was supposed to be funny: a novelty German industrial band sings, "We must destroy X10/We must destroy all Internet ad!" Giggle.

9/5/01: Ellen Goodman has a column about one of my pet subjects,"the complications that can arise when one couple carries two names." One good observation: no one ever pointedly says a man is "keeping his name" when he gets married.

9/4/01: The silence has been intentional: lots going on, and I wasn't comfortable posting any of it. For starters, Media Grok is back (for now). I'm as surprised as anyone. Now that I'm once again being paid to sit around online, look for more semi-witty observations and semi-interesting links in this half-assed weblog of mine.

8/17/01: Look, honey, baby's first layoff.

In other words, the Industry Standard has ceased publication. To find out what'll happen to Media Grok, sign up here.

8/9/01: One of my favorite places in Boston, Deli Haus, has met an unfortunate end. Deli Haus used to be a subterranean greasy spoon, full of punk waitstaff and grungy young people, serving breakfast all day and cheap food until 3am. Now it seems the prices are up, the breakfast food is gone, and it's more of a bar than a restaurant. I don't fear change, but the emasculation of local hangouts is a bad change, because it contributes to the Stepford sameness enveloping America (and, slowly, the rest of the world). Boston already has plenty of standard-issue bars with well-groomed patrons who think they're too good to eat chili cheese fries -- no one needed to whitewash Deli Haus to make another one.

8/2/01: It's not the same level of legal rights that opposite-sex couples get, and three states in the south have yet to get with the program, but Germany legalized same-sex civil unions yesterday. It's a good start (unlike this nonsense).

8/1/01: Frank Willison died this week, and O'Reilly & Associates ain't gonna be the same.

7/30/01: Explain this. The "president" doesn't want low-income women to have better access to birth control. And we know he doesn't want them to get abortions. What does he want, then? Well, let him tell you himself. Hint: it involves "faith-based organizations" (what doesn't?) On a similar subject, I suspect everyone who's not a straight, Republican Christian is going to be screwed if this new campaign for "universally appreciated values" gets anywhere.

7/24/01: Are all my July links going to be about food? Anyway, Forbes.com explains why iced coffee costs more than hot coffee at places like Starbucks. Iced coffee should actually be cheaper, because "it often uses several-hours-old coffee that would otherwise be thrown down the drain." And it's not the ice; ice is cheap. So "the real advantage to keeping these prices inflated is that it gives the company the option to raise hot drink prices in the fall without facing backlash from consumers." Thhbbbt.

7/19/01: Individually-wrapped slices of peanut butter, because "it's all about convenience." Please kill me now.

7/5/01: Business Week tackles one of my favorite subjects: why aren't Europeans fat?

6/13/01: My alma mater is the star of this USA Today article about new college grads getting the short and pointy end of the job-hunting stick. Makes me, um, proud.

6/5/01: I don't know how to say "called on account of rain" in German, but neither does anyone else in Hamburg, so it's okay. I went to a massive parade-freakshow-street party called G-Move on Saturday, watching insane youngsters dance in their skivvies in the cold rain (and, as they're wont to do as festivals, piss in the bushes). Here are some pictures from one of the local papers (click the links under "Fotogalerie").

6/4/01: The plane didn't crash, which is more than I can say for my Internet connection all last week.

5/18/01: I'm headed back to the United States of Dubya tomorrow, so hold your email for a week or so. AmIGoingDown.com says I have only a 1 in 57,421,679 chance of using my seat cushion as a floatation device. Reassuring, no?

5/12/01: I think I was the only Ramones fan on the Internet who didn't post an online tribute when Joey Ramone died a few weeks ago. So I feel obliged to note the passing of another of my high school heroes, Douglas Adams of Hitchhiker's Guide fame. My reaction to the news was similar in both cases: "Oh, that sucks! Suck! SUCK!!"

5/3/01: I got a lot of email about this one: Tattle To Microsoft, Win Valuable Prizes.

4/26/01: This would be funny if it wasn't so incredibly stupid. The AP reports that a replica of Michelangelo's David has been given the fig-leaf treatment so small-town Floridians don't have to be scandalized by the statue's nudity. "I didn't even know it was art," explained one resident. "To me, it’s just a naked man standing on the side of the road. Once the girls saw it, I found myself in a position where I had to explain what a penis is." Heaven forbid.

4/25/01: Power crisis? California needs these cute little Danish propellers. (There are some in northern Germany, too)

4/19/01: The always-informative DC Denison has revealed where those awful pop-up ads come from -- the ones that show up after you leave the site. I hate them.

4/12/01: Ah, regional linguistics. Is the fizzy drink called pop, soda, or coke? For the record, it's "soda" where I learned to speak English.

4/6/01: I'm going to Legoland tomorrow. Legoland. I just had to say that.

4/3/01: I liked the book and all, but am I the only one who's heartbreakingly, staggeringly sick of Dave Eggers? If I've got to see that smirk on MediaNews one more time...

4/2/01: I can only roll my eyes at the Napster Action Network and Back the Net Day. Andrew Leonard from Salon agrees.

3/30/01: "Those who have found religion with their pet operating system should seriously rethink their values."

3/26/01: I've never put a banner on this site before, and I may never do it again. But since I can't be there:

I marched on Washington for abortion rights in 1992. It's too bad we've got to do it again so soon.

3/22/01: In the wise words of my former virtual-coworker Michelle Goldberg: "I would try to picture myself as a 70-year-old woman and I'd tell my present self that my future self would never think, 'Damn, if only I had stayed home and worked on my career and bought real estate instead of seeing the world.'"

3/6/01: Poor people are going to get even more screwed by rapacious credit card companies. People with work-related injuries won't get their benefits. Senior citizens will pay more for drugs. Big Tobacco will get away with 50 years of lies about smoking's health risks. It goes on. I can't even bear to finish this article about President Corporate, and I'm a business writer, for crying out loud!

2/28/01: The hypocrisy of TV networks continues to amaze and impress me. You can't see contraceptive ads on Temptation Island, nor can you see a public service ad featuring, er, mating cats. Let's review: sex is bad in movies, good on TV when it helps the ratings, and bad on TV when it encourages people to neuter their pets. Right-o.

2/16/01: Deutsche Telekom thinks I spend too much time online. They're probably right. Still, taking away my flat rate Net access just ain't nice.

2/11/01: Journalists and columnists are often criticized for mindlessly jumping on ideological bandwagons and possessing 20/20 hindsight. Example: we supposedly loved e-commerce when it was fashionable and hate it now that it's collectively running out of money. I'm getting some of that flack myself, even though I also got criticized in 1999 whenever I said certain hyped-up companies didn't seem worth it. (I wasn't perfect, of course. I drank the same dot-com Kool Aid as everyone else sometimes). Anyway, here's another prediction: at least some of the laid-off dot-commers who treat their unemployment like a grand vacation will run out of savings and then fail to find a job as quickly as they thought they would. Then there'll be a spate of articles about that phenomenon.

2/9/01: "German Racist Attacks Soar." Great.

2/8/01: And I thought Wesleyan had some whack-ass classes. Are they going to study other African-American entrepreneurs, too, or will it just be a big load of celebrity worship?

2/2/01: I know, let's have a TV show all about sex but refuse to run birth-control ads. La la la! I can't hear you!

1/31/01: Hell hath no fury like a Backstreet Boys fan scorned.

1/23/01: Call it continued evidence of my solipsism, but I believe the Shrub is picking on me.

1/22/01: It's going to be OK.

1/16/01: What comes around goes around. In honor of Germany's BSE freakouts, here's the oldie-but-goodie, sublimely stupid, and inexplicably funny mad cow public service announcement.

1/12/01: If Daria were a real person, I suspect she wouldn't appreciate this marketing ploy (or MTV, for that matter). Now, Blue Man Group Radio -- that could be fun.

1/9/01: You can't send your colleagues wine via the Internet anymore, but at least you can still order up a vial of virtual crack.

1/8/01: I knew nothing good could come of the makers of Slim-Fast taking over the hippie ice cream empire.

To 1999 and 2000...