Not Too Late To Change The Name

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:17:00 +0000

Two compliments

Don't get me wrong, I am still mightily irritated, but two things improved my mood today.

First thing this morning, the history teacher and I had this conversation.

HT: [New kid] said something to [our admin] I think you'll appreciate.
Me: Okay.
HT: He said, "The only teachers here I like are [Mr. History Teacher] and Ms. Muehlbauer. Those two teachers really know how to teach. Everyone else, I hate. They don't know what they're doing."
Me: That's funny!
HT: Sad thing is, maybe he's right. But you and I are kicking ass this year.
Me: I don't feel like I'm kicking ass. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
HT: Sounds like it.

The next compliment was meant as an insult, but I appreciated it perhaps even more.

Student in my worst class I've cracked down on: Miss, your class is boring now.
Me: Sorry. [my standard one-word response to such attention-seeking, which usually stops it. Not this time]
Student: It used to be fun in here.
Me: Sorry.
Student: You know whose class I like?
Me, sighing: Whose?
Student: [Mr. English Teacher]
Me: Why, because the class is so badly behaved you can just talk to your friends and do whatever?
Student: Yeah!

This shows that my management is improving. Beware of students who actually enjoy your class :P

In other not-so-happy news, 7th graders with substance abuse problems make me sad. Some things, I may never get used to.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:19:00 +0000

I've got a workgroup meeting today with the other 7th grade teachers. We're going to talk about getting our students to succeed on word problems. We were supposed to give our classes error analysis problems to get them to practice writing out their answers.

And I wonder if these people work at the same school I do. I've spent the last few weeks trying to teach fractions and decimals to people who can't divide. Some can't do long division, or division with decimals, but plenty simply CAN'T DIVIDE. Other issues include basic multiplication, subtraction with borrowing, addition with carrying. My most screwed up students sometimes have trouble adding and subtracting correctly on their fingers.

Word problems. Error analysis. These kids CAN'T READ.

My administrator, who I really do like, came by today to show me an example of a pretty classroom. That's great. I know my classroom is ugly. But is that really my problem? My apartment is ugly, too, and so are my clothes. I can't change who I am. I'm not a pretty girl, and I don't think that's why my kids act like assholes when they come into my room.

I got one-subject spiral notebooks for my worst class, since most of them weren't coming to school with anything resembling school supplies. Now we're working on things like writing on consecutive pages in the notebook, starting at the beginning and picking up where you left off. Many of them would open the notebook to a random page in the middle and write there. Having to each every possible nuance of how to "do school" to people in their 8th year of school is really exhausting, especially when it needs constant repetition.

Everyone's telling me to have them take notes, so they have something to do. Okay, they're taking notes. They're copying stuff off the board that they don't understand and won't study. The ones who do this the most diligently already know what they're doing and don't need the notes.

I go to meetings and they talk about rigor, about Bloom's taxonomy, about getting our kids to Proficient and Advanced on district and state tests. And I wonder how I can teach rigorous math high up Bloom's vaunted ass to kids who don't understand the difference between $3, $0.30, and $0.03.

I'm supposed to be playing games and having fun with students who can't be trusted with materials. I'm supposed to be using manipulatives with kids who think it's okay to throw paper across the room. Then everyone implies, or tells me outright, that my kids are behaving badly because I'm a boring, terrible teacher. What came first, the chicken or the egg? I promise I was enthusiastic, fresh, and full of first-year-teacher sparkly awesome once upon a time.

I try to keep my sense of humor. I added a picture of The Terminator to my PowerPoint yesterday, right after the bit about repeating and terminating decimals. The students took this as an excuse to pointedly and loudly pronounce the Arnold's last name so it contained the N-word, two classes in a row until I removed the slide.

Every time I try a puzzle or a challenge problem, it's "too hard," so it's not like I've got (many) gifted underachievers acting out because the material is boring. They're acting out because they're innumerate, and perhaps because their family and/or community are sucking them dry. Which I totally understand, because the community is sucking me dry, too. If I was still at Crazy-Ass High, I'm pretty sure I'd be on disability by now, because I'd be too crazy to work.

I've got a kid in period 6 who all his teachers think may be mildly retarded, and I'm in trouble for giving him an F. You get in trouble for failing special ed students. It must be because I'm not making enough accommodations. When kids draw on the desk, it's because I'm boring. When kids misbehave, it's because I'm a bad disciplinarian. 0% responsibility on the people actually doing bad things, 100% responsibility on me for not doing ENOUGH good things. The dean is useless, the bad kids' parents are useless (that's why they're bad), the counseling department and its many intervention programs are useless. I'm on my own here with emotionally disturbed 13-year-olds. My BEST Math 7 class thinks it's okay to huff computer cleaner when the teacher's back is turned.

I don't use the textbooks much, not because they're boring and stifle creativity and don't have enough challenging problems or whatever. I don't use the textbooks much because they're way over my students' heads.

Again, does anyone here work at the same school as I do? My small learning community has a bad reputation on campus -- do we really get all the bad kids? Or am I really that bad a teacher? (Glimmer of hope: my department chair, one of the more with-it people I've encountered in this hellhole, came to observe one of my worst classes and did not tell me to pursue a different career or jump in the LA River headfirst. He even had some relevant, implementable advice that he delivered in a professional, constructive manner. Go figure. But I'm still not sure if I can get where he is, no matter how many years of experience I pack in.)

I can't do everything. I can't teach to grade level standards, remediate kids who are years behind, and give rigorous enrichment all tat the same time. I can't be strict and fun at once. I can't magically become the pretty girl with the pretty classroom. I can't "not let the kids know they got to me" when I'm dealing with every possible variety of antisocial behavior short of sexual assault and murder. But obviously, it's all my fault. I've got to teach them how to use a notebook, and that you're supposed to come to school with a pencil, and that the preferred term for Asian-Americans is not "Chino," and that "Obama fucks your mama" is not an acceptable political sentiment, but really the problem is that my curriculum is not exciting enough.

I am so fucking sick of this bullshit. I am starting to cultivate complex socio-cultural theories about why I loved TA'ing so much but hate teaching so much, but it doesn't make me hate teaching (or myself) any less.

How much of this will go away if I get out of the ghetto, and how much of it is endemic to this shitty MySpace Generation we've got coming up? Am I going to need to teach adults?

I feel a sick day coming on.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:21:00 +0000

"Twilight" is officially the big thing. I caught one of my 7th grade girls reading it in class today, and these kids are not generally big readers.

Male student response: "Miss, they're vampires who eat apples. What's that shit?"

I have no idea if this is an actual point in the book/movie, but I had a giggle in spite of myself. Must stop laughing at profanity in class just because it's funny...

***

There are other, more substantial work updates, but damn if I feel like talking about them. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'll be camping, and there had better not be any 12-year-olds there.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 21:10:00 +0000

Run on empty, or fill 'er up and get a tune up?

I had a really interesting conversation with my assistant principal on Friday. That's the good AP for my team of teachers, not the nice but useless one for my department. I think this conversation may keep me teaching for a third year. I'll spare you most of the details, but I think the most important point she made is one I didn't think about again until this morning. I guess I was in denial.

She once asked a teacher who seemed very calm all the time how he did it. He said, "I made the decision that my family comes first. This job comes second. I still do my job well, but it's not my highest priority."

Right.

My AP also asked me what I do after school. And why I'm not running anymore. And why I wasn't calling in sick more often on days like Friday, when I didn't have anything left to give.

I'm done being a martyr. If I wanted to put my kids first, I would have HAD KIDS. I care about my students, probably too much, but in the end, they are someone else's problem.

From now on, I come first.

It's just a job. It's an important job, but it's a JOB. Starting now, I put myself first and see if the depression, anxiety, nervous twitches, and anger management issues let up any.

Any guilt trips about this in the comments will NOT be approved. Before you judge others, you go into the 'hood and try to teach math to illiterate 12-year-old gangsters every day and see what YOUR mental health is like.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:32:00 +0000

Sad

Today, in the car on the way to work, I put my finger on what bothers me about my 7th graders and why, some days, my second year teaching feels as bad as my first.

My 7th graders remind me of my old high school students at Crazy-Ass High. You know, the place where I had to quit before they came to take me away to a rubber room. It would be bad if my 17-year-olds acted like 12-year-olds, but it's worse than that: I'm not sure either group as a whole has consistently displayed the social, emotional, or moral development of even 8-year-olds.

Then I knew I'd been thinking about last year for too long, because I started crying uncontrollably. I'm going to get into an accident one of these days.

My kids, for the most part, are decent enough kids. Every time I misplace something in my classroom, I have a few minutes of nausea thinking it got stolen, and then inevitably find it in the mess. I imagine that will stop someday. I am also impressed every single time I tell a kid to do something and s/he actually does it instead of cursing me out and storming out of the room.

Still. It's challenging to deal with kids who swear, defy, vandalize, fight, drink, drug, and screw like teenagers but have a small child's sense of right and wrong -- i.e., it's not wrong unless I get caught and it's not bad unless it affects me. That sucks from a 12-year-old OR an 18-year-old. It's nice that I have fewer of those kids per class than I used to, but I would obviously rather have none. It would also be nice if they got the help they needed, but we all know that's not going to happen.

I've got to get the fuck out of this city.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 04:10:00 +0000

The price I pay for voting

Guess who's been called for jury duty?

Yep.

Guess when?

December 29!

Wow, wouldn't it be great to have this incredibly high-stress and at times dangerous job, where you take work home every day at the expense of your hobbies and personal relationships, that damages your physical and mental health a little more every day, all for moderate pay and no particular sense of accomplishment -- and then spend your entire winter vacation in the Inglewood courthouse?

I thought so.

Please cross your fingers that they won't need me for a trial, like last time. I would hope anyone reading this knows how badly I need the rest. (Anyone griping about "all that time off" teachers get WILL DIE at my hand.)

Archives:
* The desperate lengths I went to in order to make rent during my previous jury duty
* A moderately amusing anecdote
* The case

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 05:40:00 +0000

Teaching middle school is a hilarious pain in the ass

Student: Miss, you know when a girl is having a baby...
Me: Uh oh. One of those questions.
Student: ...you know the water that comes out? Is that called a "douche?"
Me [trying not to laugh or panic] No, that's called "your water breaking." I'm sure there's a medical term for it, too, I just don't remember.*
Student: So what's a douche, then?
Me [looking around the room and noting that no one is giggling, just looking at me with genuine interest]: Er...when you're having a baby, the liquid is made by your body when you're pregnant. The other thing you're talking about, that's a liquid but it's made by people, and it's for cleaning yourself.
Student: I don't get it then. Why is it so offensive to call someone a "douchebag?"
[Students are now laughing, but only because the kid said "douchebag." They still clearly are waiting for my answer]
Me: I guess...because of where you put it.
Student, clearly trying to kill me: Where do you put it?
Me: In the same place babies come out of.
Whole class: EWWWW!
Me: You guys are gonna get me fired someday.

* I know, I know: "amniotic fluid." Hey, I've never been pregnant, what do I know?

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:02:00 +0000

And this is what a bad day looks like

Period 2, my free period, I go do some errands on campus and run into one of my students outside the dean's office. Another one of my students pounded him in the face in science class. (In shades of Crazy Ass High, both students in my class together like nothing happened by period 6).

Another of my students was also in to see the dean. Some one had checked her in the head with a ball and used a racial epithet (she's one of my 3 black kids).

A third student got beaten down during lunch.

It seemed almost minor when a girl kicked, punched, and shoved a boy who was annoying her in my period 6, but I gave the dean some more of my business anyway.

As a bonus, today's quizzes pretty well sucked. I mean, duh. I don't know how much of that was genuine content incompetence and how much was the full moon/bad mojo/whatever that was in the air today.

Finally, I met with a very stubborn student and two other teachers after school, and have a strong feeling our little talk made no progress.

Then I learned that the student who'd been hit with the ball and shit-talked -- a very nice kid who hangs out in my room at lunch at least 3 days a week and has never mentioned a word of this -- is homeless. The history teacher found out because he happened to pass a meeting of all the homeless kids at school where they were being given free backpacks and school uniforms. Well, at least she stays at a half-decent shelter, not downtown at the Mission amid the hardcore junkies.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:38:00 +0000

"But where the president is never black, female, or gay, and until that day, you've got nothing to say to me to help me believe"
-- Morrissey, "America Is Not The World"

Well, holy crap. It's been a week and no one has pulled any underhanded shit.

Yes, it's pretty wild that we finally have a non-white (well, half) president. That's not what had me whooping in my living room last Tuesday. I'd been SO convinced that some unseen Rove-ian evil would simply not let this happen, that there would be another fix, that our democracy is dead and voting is a Diebold-sponsored scam. I now believe, for the first time this century, that my vote does not go into a black hole. For the first time in 8 years, I am not ashamed to be American. (Though I'm ashamed to be a Californian. BOO on you Prop 8 voting 'phobes. That's another rant for another day.)

I haven't voted for the presidential candidate who won since 1996. It feels good. I know in my heart that by 2016 I'll be voting 3rd party again or watching my guy get his ass kicked, since politics in this country is so cyclical. But for now, I'm pleased.

I do think Obama has the potential to let us down spectacularly. I especially think first-time voters and/or those too young to remember the oh-so-progressive Clinton years (he did a competent job as prez, but yes, that's sarcasm) will be hit the hardest by disappointment.

There is a small, uncynical part of me that thinks maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong. JFK was elected partially for the wrong reasons, like youth and charisma, and most would say he did alright. I know the JFK story didn't end well, but let's get Obama some beefed up secret service coverage and give the man a chance.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:55:00 +0000

Too late for Halloween but early for El Dia de los Muertos, here's a chipper little song about dropping dead from my new favorite LA band (yes, still, a month later!) the Mae Shi.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 02:01:00 +0000

Allow me to demonstrate the dance of my native Caucasia

I have two students who are difficult for their English and science teachers but not so much for me and the history teacher. One of them never gave me a moment's trouble but threw a chair at another kid in English class on Tuesday. The other gives me issues in the "do your work" and "stay in your chair" sense, but is never openly rude to me -- unlike his conduct with Mr. X and Mr. Y.

I witnessed the latter, D, being rude to Mr. Y during the fire drill on Friday and offered to talk to him at some point. On Wednesday, he wandered into my classroom and -- since we were in 15 minutes of hard-earned post-standardized-test free time, and to get him out of Mr. Y's hair -- I allowed him to stay a few minutes. I also tried to pick his brain a little, and we had a decent chat that probably bought me some classroom management credit for later.

Then I asked him why he gives Mr. Y such a hard time, since he's never been rude to me.

"Ah miss. I don't like Chinese people." This is, sadly, a standard attitude in this neighborhood.

"D, you live in LA. You're going to have to learn to get along with all types of people."

At this point, the kid stormed out of the room, then realized he would have to go back to Mr. Y's class if he did that, and slumped back into my room.

It's worth mentioning at this juncture that D is one of the three African-American students I have this year at our 99% Latino school, though he's hinted of a Latino relative of some sort.

"What if Mr. Y didn't like YOU because of YOUR color?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"Man, I'm glad you don't hate white people," I continued, still hoping to provoke some sort of empathy.

"That's different, miss," he said. "It's like you're part Mexican, too."

Eh? And, does "like" in this context mean "as if" or "er, um?"

I grasped for some kind of vaguely appropriate response, and settled on, "I guess I've been working out here long enough I'm a little bit Latina on the inside."

Another student who'd been listening nodded solemnly.

Best compliment ever, completely racist generalization, or both?

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:51:00 +0000

I don't normally post on good days, so I just wanted to take a moment to say that today went pretty well. This isn't to say today was smooth -- crying girls, a special ed kid going off the wall, and a surprise admin observation were just part of the fun -- but it was functional, kids understood the lesson, some real punkasses did a bit of classwork for a change, and we even had some laughs. Maybe there's hope for this year, and this career, yet.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:19:00 +0000

Period 3 is from heck

I sort of miss not caring during those nihilistic 2 weeks in late September/early October. It sucked on a spiritual level, but it maybe beats my daily level of depression and frustration over Period 3's almost unanimous refusal to learn anything or act right, and their propensity to blame it on me rather than accepting any responsibility. I actually got the old standard, "Miss, you didn't teach us this!" during review today. *bashes head against wall* Another actual conversation with the class:

Me: Seriously, I'm trying my hardest. I know you don't like math, but tell me what I'm going to have to to do get any of you to buy what I'm selling.
[One of the better ones, a C student, raises her hand and I call on her] [Bless her little heart for raising her hand]
Student: You could make it fun.
Me: Did you notice we're playing a game today?
Student, looking genuinely surprised: Oh yeah, huh!

Sigh. Okay, I'm boring. Apparently even my games suck. I'm not so much angry at the students as angry that I've become THAT teacher already. The "Miss, you didn't teach us this" teacher. The boring teacher. I constantly remind myself that everything school-oriented is boring; they say the same thing to the English teacher and the science teacher. (History teachers in the LAUSD are some sort of magic cult. The kids love them and pass rates are high. Perhaps because you can tweak a history curriculum so that it involves few numbers and little reading.)

At lunch, another girl from that class came in at lunch to redo a test she'd messed up. (My retake policy, as I may have mentioned, is that you can retest on anything, anytime, as long as it's not during class hours.) She also takes this opportunity to tell me about moving many times in elementary school until finally getting settled living in this neighborhood with her grandmother. Warning, Stage 3! She is the oldest of four kids, and none of her mother's kids, all from different dads from the sound of things, live with the mom. One younger sibling lives with a different grandmother (father's side) and the other two are in foster care. "She has problems," said the kid. I'd say so.

I guess I need to remember there are reasons so many of them are unwilling to buy what I'm selling, and my capacity to "make it fun" is not at the root of the problem.

Then I come home and get a Latino 12th grader on my doorstep trying to sell me 10 weekends of the Daily News for his college fund. Dammit kid, I gave at the office! And I don't want a newspaper! But did I give him $15 anyway? Yeah, of course I did (you can donate the paper). Because I'm a sucker. A *boring* sucker. But a boring sucker who will give up lunch for a troubled 12-year-old. That's something, right?

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 12:58:00 +0000

This gorgeous mural is incongruously located at the otherwise ugly junction of Crenshaw and Venice Blvds in Los Angeles, CA. It's on Venice on a wall belonging to Smile Auto Body.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 01:42:00 +0000

Am I asking too much?

I know I should be glad that, just for today, none of my students got shanked, robbed at gunpoint, etc. I should also be glad I'm not getting assaulted, burgled, or threatened. And hey, this hasn't happened yet: [gross video]

But some days, it's the little things that get you.

I am getting, really, really, RILLY RILLY tired of telling kids, every single damn day, that they will need something to write with and a piece of paper. Every day. Five times a day. Almost EVERY single kid. That's about 100 times a day, or 500 times a week I have to tell someone to get a piece of paper and a pencil out because THEY'RE IN SCHOOL.

(Dan, I have tried the Readiness Checker and they absolutely don't care. I haven't tried it this year, mind you. Maybe I should. Anything's worth a try.)

I'm also tired of telling them they need to do their classwork. ON PAPER. Yes, yes, differentiated instruction and multiple intelligences and different learning styles. I get it, and I do all that crap. But, call me crazy, I also think students should have to do math problems, ON PAPER, for at least part of every class period. Because that is how we do school, and if you can't get your brain around it, you will never succeed in school in the long run. Period.

The kids who most vocally say "I'm bored" or "it's boring" when asked to produce work school-style with a pencil and paper instead of just yelling (wrong) answers inevitably complain even when we play a game or I show a video.Yet they can go on MySpace for hours a day, which *I* find boring as hell after about 15 minutes. Color me culturally insensitive. Again.

Related, and equally annoying, are the kids who, when I hand them a worksheet say "Is this a quiz?" or, when I ask them where their pencil is, ask if they're having a test. Seriously, EVERY DAY I ask them to write something down on paper at least part of the class time. And EVERY DAY, some of them act surprised.

I guess I should be glad they're not asking me, as I've heard them ask some other teachers, "Are we doing anything today?" Oh, they're doing something. They may feign surprise every single day, but they're doing something. I guess that's to my credit. Or not. I have no idea anymore.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 06:38:00 +0000

The "Coffe" shop time forgot
Originally uploaded by Jen and Rick

Hello, urban blight. This is a sad building, from the misspelling of "coffee" to the tags to the obvious neglect of the entire block. This photo looks like it's in the third world somewhere. Oh, wait -- it is.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 14:39:00 +0000

Mr. Crazypants is likely going to be OT'd -- "opportunity transferred" to another school, for those not familiar with Southern California's euphemistic nonsense. That's what you get for inappropriate touching, threats, and spitting at other students after you've already spent a year in trouble for other stuff. This is great for me and the kids in my class with him. However, obviously it's not so great for whatever unsuspecting teacher and class winds up with him next. And, unless his problem truly is a lack of self-control and not a mental health problem, will not help the kid or change his ways. All anyone cares about is that I've properly filled out the paperwork, while yet another at-risk kid circles the drain.

In better news, period 6, the last class of the week, was productive and well-behaved yesterday, despite teetering on the brink of the weekend. I wonder if the one kid who was absent is the power kid quietly dominating the class with his mere presence. Or this class just loves plotting points (excuse me while I bash my head against the wall considering all the kids who still don't seem to get it no matter what I do or have them do. Dang yo, you start in the middle, count twice, and draw a dot. How hard is this? Not that I show them this impatience, I hope.)

I have a training next week, on the subject of "Capturing Kids' Hearts." I am not making this up. This takes me out of my classroom for three days. Three. Capture THIS.

Periodic Assessments are the week after next. The Math 7 exam is, as usual, mostly word problems. Fantastic for a bunch of kids who can't read. This particular assessment also has a great deal of fractions, which would freak them out beyond all telling if they were even reading the word problem. How many weeks before someone from admin confronts me about the discrepancy between my class grades and the standardized test scores? (Repeat after me: "I've differentiated my instruction to make the state standards accessible to English learners." And now I've weaseled my way out of trouble AND won buzzword bingo.)

Happy news of the week: a veteran teacher I observed seems to have many of the same problems as I do, albeit on a lesser scale, even in the magnet. Plus he said my PowerPoints are better (less bullets, more pictures). At least I'm doing something right.

Final indignity of the work week, after school on Friday: our new principal is now forwarding 18-month-old alarmist chain letters of dubious authenticity to the whole staff.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 23:15:00 +0000

I'm not gonna get anything done for the rest of today if I don't have a rant.

1. I have a crazy person in my period 5. Like, Crazy-Ass High crack-baby crazy. Off the fuckin' chain. I got together with his other teachers and we did a group referral. The history teacher handed it in (which I believe) and it got lost (which I also believe, because the LAUSD bureaucracy has a way of eating things). Just yesterday, I went directly to the school psychologist to describe his bizarre behavior, and that's when I found out he wasn't in the system and I'd probably have to do the paperwork over again. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Today in class, he's a bit more disruptive and annoying than usual, and I finally broke down and sent him to the dean. I don't like to do that except in extreme situations, but I did. Not knowing for sure if the paperwork was lost (and it's not MY fault if it was), I began the referral with "SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING ALREADY."

After the kid left the room, other students started telling me about other things he does, including, but not limited to, spitting at people, putting his butt in people's faces, and dropping trou in English class today. I asked if you could see his underwear or gym shorts or what (recalling Kevin the Pants-Dropping Crip), and they replied that you could plainly see crack and cheek. OMGWTF. It became clear that they were relishing this golden opportunity to snitch on him and he's really been bothering people. Another referral.

Told the school psychologist of the latest update and she again emphasized the proper paperwork. I made a fucking copy for myself this time.

[Late-breaking update: the history teacher just told me he might get OT'd. Right, because sending his crazy ass to another school to stir the shit over there is going to fix things...]

2. After that, I went to the attendance office to report Ms. Absent-13-Times. You always, in schools like this, have that one nice little girl who's absent all the time. Last year, it was a student whose uncle tried to rape her, broker her arm, and was stalking her on the way to and from school -- thus, she spent a lot of days staying home where it was (relatively) safe. I don't know what the girl's issue is this year, but when I asked her if she was sick a lot or had "personal issues" she replied that she had a lot of family problems. She also came during lunch "to make up work" the last day she was in school but spent the whole time making it obvious that what she really wanted to do was talk to someone, anyone, about something, anything. The attendance people were shocked by the number ("at this point in the year, 5 is a lot") and said they'd get on it.

3. Speaking of students who need attention, someone is coming in regularly during lunch to chat under the guise of doing work. It comes out during the course of casual conversation that she has ELEVEN siblings.

"Your mom had TWELVE babies?"

She nodded.

"How many older and how many younger than you?" I asked.

"Three older," she said.

"Do you sleep at night?"

"Yes."

"With all those little kids, you can get sleep? Do you have a big house?"

She brightened. "Yes! We have five rooms!"

4. One of my kids in period 6 was wearing a giant wristband today, on one wrist only. I hope this is a fashion statement and not a cover-up for self-injury. I'll see if she's still wearing it tomorrow.

5. Some students told me Can Huffer Girl has lice. At first I thought, "karma." Then I felt bad for her. Add "school nurse" to the list of personnel to talk to this week.

6. One of my students from last year is missing. I remember the conference the English teacher and I had with her mother in which she said things like, "I have seven kids and they all turned out like this" and how the dad was un borracho who spent his $500/month disability payment entirely on beer. Thus, the girl was poor even by ghetto standards, and while most students with parole officers got picked up for tagging or fighting, she got caught shoplifting. Word has it she got in with an older crowd at the high school, stopped going to class, and is now simply gone. The mother has no idea and probably doesn't care much. The father probably hasn't noticed much. I shudder to think who she's living with and what she's up to.

Even *I* don't want to do math with all this going on. How can I expect the students to? And what they're dealing with is, if not worse, probably a lot more personal. And, you know, they're 12.

I guess this means I care about work again. Dammit.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 05:28:00 +0000

Because, what day can't be improved by Gilda Radner and singing veg?

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:45:00 +0000

My classroom is being used for Saturday school classes in English. The first assignment, apparently, was to write a persuasive essay about why you like or dislike school.

Time for another edition of student writing! Some highlights:

* "The only interesting thing in school is when people get in a fight."
* "The teachers here like make school even suck more. OMFG English is like the boriest shit ever."
* "Also teachers smell gross. They always have that sense of smell of education, and old people."
* "I like school but i hate mr. [deleted] your white, your ugly, and wear glasses"
* "[deleted] Middle School is ghetto its boring lame ppl teacher suck their old dum and weird subjects here suck. The true I only come here for my friends"
* "I also know that I dont need this crap because when I grow up I'm not going to be a lawyer or a doctor. I'm gonna be a rockstar. The point is that I don't like learning at all and it's a waste of time"

Not all hope is lost:
"Haveing a oportunity for 12 years or more of school that means alot. A reason is that so many kids dont have the oportunity that we do [..] I also like the fact that teachers help you out in so many things. Teacher are really good at helping you, you just have to leasn and you ask questions"

Also, a few kids said they like school because they get to play around, goof off, and get in trouble with their friends in class instead of working. Yeah, we know.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:47:00 +0000

Angry little mural girl
Originally uploaded by Jen and Rick

I went to some state credentialing horsecrap yesterday at a high school just south of downtown. (Don't worry, this isn't a work post). I spent my breaks, when I was done eating SHITTY free food, taking pictures in the neighborhood. LA's urban blight continues to be fascinating.

Afterwards, there were several parking lots we streamed out of en masse. Everyone ran to their cars and there was a long line of people idling, waiting to get out of the parking lot, running their engines and wasting gas and time. Refusing to wait in that mess, I called Rick, then noted that cars were no longer parked in front of the crazy mural at the end of the lot, painted on the building next door. So I checked it out and took some photos.

It was a big mural, and pretty weird, but no one seemed to be looking at it. They were just rushing to their cars. Now, I'm more interested in public art than the average person, but it seems like people could take a little more time to observe and maybe even appreciate their surroundings. For instance, we had an hour for lunch and I think I'm the only one who left campus.

When I left, there was no line of cars anymore and I breezed right out.

Sure, my job sucks, but at least I can still pause and enjoy life.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 02:25:00 +0000

Mmm, fabric
Originally uploaded by Jen and Rick

One thing I do for cheap thrills sometimes is take a different route home from work. This often takes me on an adventure through downtown LA, one of the more fascinating, vibrant, and often terrifying cesspools in the first world. I really have not been the same since the first time I rode a city bus through Skid Row.

I decided today I would double my cheap thrills by taking pictures at stoplights. This is my favorite. It boggles my mind to think how massive the economy is downtown, much of it underground, most of it invisible to white people on my side of town.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 17:25:00 +0000

I have today off and have done a little bit of something I've all but given up lately: reading mainstream news media. CNN.com is highlighting people who've changed their lifestyles due to the recent changes to the economy. I'm finding it interesting, but probably not for the reasons they thought I would. I don't actually feel bad for most of these people, and I think I'm supposed to.

Case 1: Moved to a smaller house to save on electricity and rent, and stopped the lawn service (boo hoo). Okay, she's a single mom had to take her daughter out of gymnastics class, which makes you feel a little bad, until you learn that she makes over $80K and her credit cards are maxed out. WHOA. Unless that was the most expensive divorce ever, this is yet another overconsumer paying the price for living outside her means. Next.

Case 2: Another correspondent talks about "how much waste I truly had in my life," but the only cutback she describes is that she now brews her own coffee (I find it hard to believe anyone does NOT brew their own coffee at least sometimes, but SOMEONE must be supporting all those Starbucks) and has stopped using credit cards. Are we noticing a theme here?

Case 3 gets a LOT more sympathy from me. His condo payments are out of control and his automotive job is decreasing his pay every month (?!?) He says, "I'm not excited about these big companies on Wall Street being rescued while the American citizen still suffers! and nobody is helping them!" Preach it, brutha! How about we stop making it so easy and lucrative for corporations to offshore all our formerly thriving US industries, like automotive?

Case 4: "The Wall Street crisis may very well leave my working-class parents financially devastated. They will now likely have to work until they drop dead because the value of their 401k's are dropping faster than McCain's poll numbers." This sucks, and it's people at or near retirement age that I feel the worst for. My generation already knows (or should) that we may never get to retire. These folks still believed in the American dream. Good luck with that.

Just when you're starting to get good and pissed, CNN hits us with Case 5. "After months of no dinner dates, salon appointments or name-brand condiments, we managed to save a few thousand for our low-key dream wedding." Now they've both been laid off, and her main concern still seems to be...the wedding. "More than likely we will go to a justice of the peace and say our vows and pray that in a few years when we are better and the country is better, our dream will come true," says the unhappy bride-to-be. And I'm right back to playing the smallest violin in the world. I'm trying to respect this unknown-to-me urge to have a Pretty Princess wedding, especially after extreme sacrifices like generic condiments and salon deprivation. *eyeroll* Considering neither of them have jobs, I'd say they have bigger things to worry about. Sympathy for their unemployment: high. Sympathy for her priorities: none.

I guess none of this seems like big news to me because I've already been there with the cutting back and tightening belts and volunteering for medical studies to make rent. (Ask me about the herpes vaccine trial!) While I was going through that, it was actually a blessing in disguise, because apparently the whole rest of the country was maxing out their credit cards trying to keep up with the imaginary Joneses. (I was using credit cards, too, but it was for stuff like groceries and tax payments.) Oh, and I had a justice-of-the-peace cheapie wedding on purpose, even though we had dot-com money at the time. I can't help but think if this economic slump teaches some frugality to our disgustingly bloated culture, it may be a good thing in the end.

Yes, I feel bad for people whose retirement is now delayed or curtailed, and I feel bad for anyone who's out of a job, but if you can't figure out how to support yourself and one other person on $80,000 a year, you have a fucking problem.

And now I'm back to NOT reading the news.

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:47:00 +0000

Combining two of my favorite things: pretentious literary references and schlocky 80s hip-hop:

[Robot Chicken]

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 04:11:00 +0000

I'm voting Obama, too, but I have one thing to say to anyone who thinks he's going to bring us Hope, Change, and a pony: